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Man, the bureaucratledygook coming out of the Direct Marketing Association was sure thick this summer.

For those who don't know, bureaucratledygook (pronounced byur-o-crattel-dee-guk) is a potent combination of bureaucratese and gobbledygook used by trade group reps when they want members to feel good about a development, but don't have much to say.

Warning: Only trained professionals should use bureaucratledygook. In the wrong hands it's been known to kill people.

For a shining recent example of bureaucratledygook in use, look no further than a July conference call the DMA held to announce it had acquired the fledgling Email Experience Council.

“We're really excited this morning to announce that we're bringing together two really wonderful organizations in the community,” said Ramesh Lakshmi-Ratan, the DMA's chief operating officer, on the call. “On the one hand, the E-mail Marketing Council of the DMA, which used to be called the CRE, or Council for Responsible E-mail, which has a very wonderful heritage of groundbreaking work in the regulatory, best practices area of e-mail, with really what's been an amazing run for the last year or so for a new organization called the EEC, and a lot of credit goes to you guys on the EEC, who in a short period of time have built a phenomenal capability that focuses on the consumer, the consumer experience and really the tactical marketing aspects of what we need to produce in terms of value for the membership in the direct marketing community.”

Ow-weee. …Searing. Head. Pain. …Ears. Bleeding. …Flashing. White. Lights.

The phrase “direct marketing community” comes up a lot in DMA-speak these days. Message to the DMA: Direct marketing is not a community. Your main task is to look out for members' interests while they do everything they can to kick the crap out of one another in a market that's as regulation-free as possible.

In any case, where the word “industry” connotes hard-working individuals and groups rolling up their sleeves, competing and contributing to a vibrant economy, “community” connotes group hugs, play groups and bake sales.

Meanwhile, lest some readers think Lakshmi-Ratan was a rogue employee using bureaucratledygook without his boss's knowledge, when DMA president John Greco announced to members he was changing the way the group's special-interest councils work, his letter explaining — well, not really explaining, as in clearing things up; it was more like confusing or clouding…you know, obfuscating — the issue included the following:

“Why are we doing this? We want to develop a more strategic thought-leadership process within each council. Advisory committees from each special-interest segment will advise DMA staff on key issues and questions that are current in that special-interest sector,” the letter said.

“With this kind of ‘Counsel from the Councils’ our expectation is that we'll raise the level of dialogue on substantive issues that connect each council to the overall direct marketing process — for the benefit of all.”

Thud…thud…thud. What? Oh, sorry. I was just smashing bricks on my head to deaden the pain.

So far, the industry — yes, I said industry — as a whole has rightfully reserved judgment on Greco. He deserves ample time to implement his vision, whatever it may be.

In the meantime, though, Mr. Fireside Chat he ain't.